Legacy Beyond Wealth: Darryl Dittmer

Summary

In this conversation, Daryl Dittmer shares his journey from a troubled youth involved in substance abuse to a successful author and podcaster. He discusses the importance of personal growth, the role of pain in shaping character, and the need to define success beyond financial achievements. Daryl emphasizes the significance of legacy, the lessons learned from failure, and the responsibility individuals have in their own lives. The conversation concludes with insights on how to navigate life's challenges and the importance of helping others.

Takeaways

• Daryl's journey from addiction to recovery is a testament to personal growth.
• Writing his books was a way to share his story and help others.
• Success should be defined by personal happiness, not just financial gain.
• Legacy is about the impact we leave on others, not material wealth.
• Pain is a necessary part of growth and change.
• Failures are stepping stones to success and character development.
• Blame hinders personal responsibility and growth.
• Life is a journey filled with lessons from both wins and losses.
• Understanding oneself is crucial for personal development.
• Helping others is a key aspect of Daryl's mission. 

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Transcript

Daryl Dittmer (00:00.938)
I am.

Christian Brim (00:01.657)
Yeah

Christian Brim (00:05.368)
Welcome to another episode of the Chris project. I am your host, Christian Brim. Joining me today, author and podcast extraordinaire, Daryl Dittmer. Daryl, welcome to the show.

Daryl Dittmer (00:18.936)
Thank you, Christian, I appreciate you having me.

Christian Brim (00:21.614)
Yeah, so we were laughing about he's got a Detroit Lions sticker hanging in the background. And I told him that as a Detroit fan that tells me that he is used to suffering. And that's what we were laughing about. I actually have one of my my colleagues, my employees that is a Detroit Lions fan. And so I I'm not a Detroit Lions fan, but I have watched his range of emotions.

So, I get it.

Daryl Dittmer (00:54.88)
It's it's it has not been an easy life Christian from. It has been better recently. Unfortunately, I and I talk about this all the time, but my dad was a big big Detroit Lions fan and he got emotionally involved. In winning and losing and. And I don't get quite so emotionally involved, but but they were good when he was alive in the 50s. I wasn't alive and.

Christian Brim (00:58.17)
It's been better recently, but yeah.

Christian Brim (01:12.335)
Yes.

Daryl Dittmer (01:24.078)
So he at least got to see some world championships even if they weren't called Super Bowls.

Christian Brim (01:30.104)
Yeah, and you know, I remember when Barry Sanders went to Detroit and it was fun watching him, but it was like, you know, they still can't win. don't.

Daryl Dittmer (01:42.326)
Yeah, that's difficult to accomplish, right? Like have Barry Sanderson still not win. Yeah, you have to try real hard to do that. Yeah.

Christian Brim (01:46.488)
Yeah. Yes, yes. But it was fun to watch. Not the losing, but very. Darryl, why don't you tell the listeners who you are and what you do?

Daryl Dittmer (02:02.488)
Sure. Currently, am a writer. I write books. I've written a couple of books and I also have a podcast and that's currently what I do in addition to take as many vacations as possible and try to help others. That's really what I try to do personally, professionally. Just help others put their life maybe on a different path.

If I can provide some assistance in doing that, that's what I love to do.

Christian Brim (02:38.009)
I love that. So the books that you've written, they fiction or are they non-fiction?

Daryl Dittmer (02:45.784)
They are non-fiction. My first book is my story and my second book I like to sort of look at is everybody else's story.

Christian Brim (02:57.145)
Okay. So give us the reader's digest version of your story.

Daryl Dittmer (03:03.47)
Sure. When I was a young kid, I grew up in a, and I'll keep this reader's digest as much as I possibly can, but my dad was a mechanic. I grew up in the Midwest, Detroit. Obviously we got that lion sitting back there. It's because I was born in Detroit. And my dad was a mechanic. My mom took care of the house and...

the kids and all that sort of thing. And I'm pretty sure my mom had a much more difficult job. When I was 13, I got involved in drinking, which led to drugs, which led to several things that I just, I couldn't overcome. And I was going down a spiral that would have probably ended me up in either prison or.

or dead or whatever it was just because I was embroiled in that life and it was not a pretty picture. And I got clean and sober at the age of 19, which was a pretty cool thing and have been that way ever since. And I've been working on me over the course of the last

many, years and a few decades. so that's really what my life is about now. It's about improving me so that I can put a better product out into the world and that product is me. And that's why I wrote my books. I wrote my books because I wanted to share the messages from mentors and from wonderful people in my life and they were good enough to help me.

Christian Brim (04:39.48)
Hmm.

Daryl Dittmer (04:54.888)
and I try to be good enough to help others to the extent that I can.

Christian Brim (04:59.811)
So when did you write your first book? old were you?

Daryl Dittmer (05:04.307)
I was 56 when I started writing it.

Christian Brim (05:09.665)
Okay. So there was there was a lot of time there from your recovery to writing this book. What what led you to write the book? Like, why did you feel compelled to do that?

Daryl Dittmer (05:23.692)
I was having a conversation with my now wife. She was my girlfriend at the time was probably 18, 20 years ago. and, and she didn't know me when I was an idiot, or at least that brand of an idiot in terms of the drugs and drinking all that sort of stuff. And, and I was relating my stories to her and telling her what I was like and the things that I would had done and, and et cetera, et cetera. And she looked at me she's just like,

You're not that guy. It's I don't see it. I'm not seeing it. And and I said, well, I was and remind me to write a book someday. So so that was kind of the impetus. It was to tell my story. And then I think that morphed over the next 18 years or so to I not only wanted to tell my story, but I wanted to help people because of my story and and help people maybe improve their lives.

Christian Brim (05:55.736)
Hmm.

Daryl Dittmer (06:24.014)
if that was possible to do via a book. Just help plant some seeds, help people look at life in a different way.

Christian Brim (06:33.914)
Is there, you said that was me, but it's not me now. I think for people that have lived a few years, they can see maybe not as dramatically as you, but like how they're not the people that they were before, right? I myself look back.

my 20 year old self and I'm like Or even my 30 year old self and and I'm like, well, I'm definitely not that person anymore But but you know because it was you because you live those experience you still I Don't know you carry it you you understand it in a way that other people Don't right. I mean some like your your wife your girlfriend was like

Well, that's not you. she couldn't see it. But that's still in you, right? Like the memories anyway, it's not the behavior. What do you see is most different about you and that teenage Darryl?

Daryl Dittmer (07:59.886)
I guess I would have to say the most different is, you know, there's a way that I was brought up. was brought up, my dad was a Navy guy, like I said, a mechanic. You know, he was in the service, he was in the Korean War. He was pretty disciplined in terms of what he wanted from us. And my mom was the same way. They were both pretty tough.

And they taught us principles, you know, to whatever degree they could. And they taught us manners and they taught us not to lie and not to cheat and not to steal and all those things. and I did all those things that I was taught not to do and and did a lot of the things that I was taught not to do. So. You know, there wasn't anything that that resonated in me back then that said, dude, knock it off, you know, it was it was just.

Christian Brim (08:49.508)
Mm-hmm.

Daryl Dittmer (08:51.694)
I was just going after that next thing and going and going. And so I think that's really the big difference now is I don't, as I sit here, I don't have things that I feel like I need or I have to have, or these big desires, I feel like I'm missing something or I have this hole in the middle of me. It just doesn't exist anymore. And that's probably the biggest difference from whence I came.

Christian Brim (09:14.874)
Mm-hmm.

Christian Brim (09:19.01)
And what do you attribute that to? Like what prompted that change?

Daryl Dittmer (09:27.438)
It was, it was over many, years, you know, I got involved in the 12 steps. They got me involved in, uh, in, in the thing about the 12 steps, I think, which is most crucial to understand and whether it's 12 steps for drinking or drugs or food or gambling or sex or whatever it is, there's only one of those steps that talks about the actual addiction, you know, the actual

Christian Brim (09:53.785)
Right.

Daryl Dittmer (09:56.622)
Thing that we're trying to get away from or stop doing and the rest of the steps are about getting better improving making me a better me Making me a better me so that I can give something back to the world and that's that's really what it is. So it was it was mentors. It was the 12 steps as a guide. It was figuring out that that I can live a different way and

Christian Brim (10:03.609)
Mm-hmm.

Daryl Dittmer (10:26.966)
And along the way, you know, I had, I've had plenty of experiences. I've had businesses and entrepreneurship stuff and I've had jobs and I've, you know, I've, I've been a lot of different things, which has all been really cool. But, but the thing that I really needed to get different was Darrell, you know, and how Darrell perceives

Christian Brim (10:49.763)
Yeah.

Daryl Dittmer (10:53.972)
life and how he approaches life and all of those other things seemed to work out pretty well when I was working on making Daryl a better Daryl.

Christian Brim (11:06.97)
Yeah, that's a, that's a interesting perspective. I, you know, we're sitting here in 2025 and I am the, the, uh, ripe age of 55. And for most of my life, it has been about what I do. Um, and, that's not, um, to say that there wasn't, uh,

external guide. So I professed my faith in Christ at 16 and I proceeded to live my life very

Christian Brim (11:57.339)
what's the word I'm looking for, inconsistent, for a long time. And so, most of my adult life, I think I would have at least nominally said that I was trying to do what I thought God wanted me to do. But this year, starting with some conversations that I had with

some other Christians, I realized that I was focusing on the wrong thing, that really I needed to focus on what God wanted me to be as opposed to what God wanted me to do. And, you know, that's really, really resonated a lot in the last, you know, six months about

you know, what I do is a whole lot less important than who I am, right? And, you know, if I am who God wants me to be, then whatever He has me do, whether that's washing dishes or going on a mission trip, it doesn't matter, then what I'm supposed to do will just naturally follow. And I don't even know if I'm making sense.

But does that resonate with you?

Daryl Dittmer (13:25.422)
you

Daryl Dittmer (13:29.486)
100 % resonates with me. I had a mentor tell me many moons ago that there were several things that he told me that stuck with me over the years. But one of the things he said was, he said, Darrell, first things first and the rest will be added on. And he described that as, because I didn't know, I was probably in college when he told me. And

Christian Brim (13:47.854)
Hmm.

Christian Brim (13:55.417)
Right.

Daryl Dittmer (13:58.254)
which I had no business in college. But I was in college when he told me and he described that as, because he explained it to me, is, Darryl, you have to take care of the you part. You have to be a better you and a better Darryl. And all this other stuff, you know, works itself out. I believe the greatest thing that I can do to thwart my movement

forward in this life in terms of me internally is to try to control everything is to make myself the center of attention is to make myself you know Darryl matters you know it's and he does but he doesn't matter as much as everything else you know there's a lot of things more important out there than how Darryl feels or you know like like what if somebody comes to me and says

Christian Brim (14:44.312)
Mm.

Daryl Dittmer (14:55.328)
I need this, Daryl, and I really need you to help me with this. And I say, well, I don't feel like it. Doesn't matter how I feel. I need to help. know, and that's to me, that's the important stuff. Am I building me or, you know, and then my life builds as a consequence of that? Or am I trying to build my life and forgetting about me being better? I think the latter is at least for me has been the proper way to go.

Christian Brim (15:18.937)
Yes.

Christian Brim (15:24.078)
Yeah, I would agree because I think that, you know, I can't speak for all men, but it seems like men derive a lot of their self identity from what they do. Right. And so, it does kind of go backwards. If, if, if you're out there, trying to create your identity from what you do.

you have got the cart before the horse, right? I mean, like, because you're gonna have success, you're gonna have failure. But in reality, that doesn't dictate who you are. I think...

a lot of entrepreneurs have their identity wrapped up in their business. But for most, and it was for me, I think a lot of them, the business just becomes an extension of their own psychosis. It's a construct that we create. And so whatever failures we have in character,

just get amplified or ignored as opposed to, you know, doing the work and, and improving yourself. we, we just kind of hide in our business.

Daryl Dittmer (17:06.318)
For sure. Yeah, I think that's true. you know, the stages of life, you mentioned it and we talked a little bit about it that I'm not the person I was, you're not the person you were. And I did that. didn't, you my family, I remember, you know, we're having powdered milk and my mom's washing sandwich bags and you know, we weren't terribly well off. We got a lot of nos, you know, in terms of things we wanted and, but that was fine.

I think it's I think it's So I didn't want to be struggling financially in my life. I didn't want to have You know the a similar sort of situation that I came from so so I put a lot of effort into into being you know successful financially and trying to you know move into a place that I probably Wasn't necessarily

Christian Brim (17:43.865)
Mm-hmm.

Daryl Dittmer (18:05.794)
Destined for if you want to say that I told myself when I was a kid working on farms and doing carpentry I was like, I'm never gonna wear a tie to work But I probably spent 25 years wearing a tie to work because I wanted to Experience and I wanted to be financially successful and all those things so but at some point and and this happened a long time ago because Because we can just break ourselves down

If all we care about is the business and the money and all that, you know, it's, it's, it's, can break ourselves down significantly. And I, and I did that.

But a long time ago, the most important thing to me, or at least how I identify success became, am I waking up in the morning with a smile on my face or not? And there's a lot of pieces that go into that formula to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face. But that's what became my definition of success. And when that happened, and that has to do with everything.

Christian Brim (18:58.105)
down.

Christian Brim (19:07.428)
Hmm.

Christian Brim (19:13.242)
Yeah.

Daryl Dittmer (19:14.05)
You know, my beliefs, my faith, my actions, everything I do, my motives. And in many ways, honestly, it has to do with do I have enough money to be able to live? You know, that that's certainly in there. So anyway, that's that's just a little story of. From whence we came, but but it's stages, right? We go to different stages and we move into different things and we mature emotionally and

Christian Brim (19:26.18)
Sure.

Daryl Dittmer (19:44.27)
and mentally and spiritually and financially and all of those things. I guess for me to say, oh, well, I've always felt like money doesn't really matter. It's only me that matters. No, I had to go through the stages to figure that one out, right?

Christian Brim (19:59.577)
Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. I recently read the book. It was recommended to me what happy people know and a clinical psychologist. He was one of the founders of Canyon Ranch Resort in Arizona and

he uses a lot of his patient cases in and his own story in in this book, but but one of the chapters he talks about money specifically and that there's this false belief that at some point that you'll have enough money that you'll be happy. But that that's that's a false

That's a false statement. If that is what you...

if that's what you're pursuing for happiness, you'll never achieve it. It doesn't matter how much money that you have. It's kind of again going back to the cart before the horse like you if that's what you're seeking. You're you're never going to have enough money that makes you happy happy because happiness is not dependent upon money. But a lot of people think that and and and I'm not I'm not discounting

you know, wanting to be out of poverty. Like my story is one where my family went bankrupt when I was 16. And so we had a lot of money and then we didn't have money. And the loss of the money isn't what made me unhappy. It was the fact that my family, because it was a family business, dissolved. They scattered.

Christian Brim (21:59.982)
because there was nothing keeping them together anymore. And that is what I lost, not the material things. And so, yeah, if you're out there thinking that you're gonna build a business or you're gonna build your income to a point that, now I'm happy, it's not gonna happen.

Daryl Dittmer (22:25.196)
No, this brings to mind and it's related and not perfectly, but it drives the point, I believe that I was the second largest shareholder in a company when I was, and I was in my 40s at that point, early 40s. And the largest shareholder had me in his office and he was talking to me about some things. And he said, Darrell, this company is gonna be a big part of your legacy someday. And I almost threw up.

Christian Brim (22:54.638)
Mmm.

Daryl Dittmer (22:55.502)
I literally, it made me kind of sick. was like, I hope not. I, know, I, and I didn't say that to him because that's probably not the smartest thing to say, but that's how I felt. thought, you know, I don't want a company to be my legacy. want, I want other things to be my legacy. And, know, and at that point I hadn't written books or anything, but that's the type of thing where.

Christian Brim (23:03.098)
He probably wouldn't have received it.

Daryl Dittmer (23:25.39)
You know, if somebody picks up my book or listens to a podcast or something 20, 30, 40 years from now and, and they get something out of it, that is what I want to leave behind. Not, not a place where, um, you know, we're just keep driving to make money.

Christian Brim (23:42.925)
Yeah, you know, I that's interesting. I have been thinking about the the legacy because I think when you get to this point in life, you you your mental switch changes to like, I've got all the time to I've got a limited time. And like, what do I want to make sure I get done?

Daryl Dittmer (24:04.546)
Right.

Christian Brim (24:10.906)
And I've been thinking about this company that I've had for 28 years and its succession plan. And the reality is I would like for it to succeed beyond me, but only if it's doing what it was I created it to do. if it's not helping

creative entrepreneurs with their finances and having a better business, then it doesn't need to exist. Like, and, and that's, I think different than what you're describing, which is more of a financial legacy. like that, that that's, and I'm, totally fine either way. Like if it doesn't, if it doesn't go beyond me, I'm okay with that. And, and if it does great, like, but I'm, I,

Daryl Dittmer (24:57.632)
Agreed.

Christian Brim (25:11.094)
I have come to the point now that I am not the business and it is not like I have to keep it going or it has to go beyond me because that's who I am.

Daryl Dittmer (25:27.47)
I think that's, yeah, our business was in the financial services and it was about sales, it was about growth, it was about acquisitions, it was about anything that we can do to make money. that was, the money was great, wonderful, but it's not what I wanna be remembered for. I don't want to drop a knack.

a knapsack full of money at somebody's feet when I leave this planet. You know, that's not what I want to be remembered for. I'll sign a book for him. know, leave that here. Read this every five years, you know, and tell me how you change over time.

Christian Brim (26:09.114)
How many times have we seen where generational wealth just ruins people? Because the dad or mom was busy building this empire financially and neglected their children relationships and the development of their children.

Daryl Dittmer (26:21.677)
Right.

Christian Brim (26:37.922)
And so you end up leaving the money to people that have no business having money. Like what's the point of those people having money? They're going to screw it up because they didn't earn it, they don't understand it, and they may have bad character.

Daryl Dittmer (26:57.782)
I agree with that 100%. And I think there's something very important to be said for. And I've told my two sons this, that, you know, go out, I want you to, if you're going to do it, if you want money, great. You need it to get through this life. You know, just understand that. If you don't want to make money and you want to do something else, fine. It's completely your choice. I'm not going to drive you in either direction. But what I will say is,

you'll get a sense of accomplishment and a sense of appreciation and a sense of knowing that you, you struggled and that you did something and you went through the ups and downs and you went through the failures to get to where you want to be. And that's the important part of life. It's the journey. It's not whether you make money or whether you don't make money. It's what we learn along the way. And, and that's what I think is

Christian Brim (27:38.746)
Mm.

Christian Brim (27:55.204)
Yes.

Daryl Dittmer (27:58.42)
is crucial for people to understand what I try to get them to understand. If somebody drops a load of wheelbarrow money in your lap, it doesn't do you any good.

Christian Brim (28:06.72)
No. And I've seen a lot of second and third generations where, you know, because they're not entrepreneurs, they don't have the entrepreneurial mindset. They end up with a bunch of money and they just, still live in that scarcity mindset. And it's like they live poor, even though they're wealthy. And it becomes this very strange dynamic, you know, they, they, they've got, they've got large houses because they have money, but they, don't.

they won't spend a dime to help anybody else because well, you know, it'll run out. And it's very rare where you see a second generation entrepreneur take their family business and elevate it. It does happen, but that's the exception to the rule. I'm sure you saw similar cases working with people's money.

Daryl Dittmer (29:05.078)
Absolutely, yeah. And similar cases, just people that I knew in my life. I went to college and there were several people there who were kids from dads who owned businesses and this and that. And as I stayed in touch or at least was able to understand what they're doing over the years, a lot of them were like, no, I don't need my dad's business. I'm gonna go.

do this life and this and that and and and then 30 years later, they're like, well, nothing really worked out. So I'm going to grab my dad's business, you know, and which is cool. I mean, whatever, no, no judgment either way. but I was pretty happy that as I grew up, knew there wasn't there wasn't like a, you know, something underneath me. There wasn't anything underneath me that was going to pick me up if I

Christian Brim (29:40.868)
Yeah. Yeah.

Christian Brim (29:56.399)
A safety net. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Daryl Dittmer (30:03.15)
couldn't figure it out myself. And that was a big driving factor for me to put in the effort and then put in additional effort and then go the extra mile and all those things that it takes to move ourselves and our lives forward.

Christian Brim (30:18.587)
Yeah, absolutely. mean, the process of being a successful entrepreneur involves failure, every one of them, and that forms, how you react to it forms your character. And you can't replace that experience. You just, you can't. I have a good friend who had a family business that

I'm gonna guess is probably a billion dollar business. I don't know that And when he graduated college he graduated with a degree in architecture He actually renounced his inheritance his grandfather died and He gave it to his nephew and I remember asking him like

what in the hell are you doing? And he said, and this is one of those moments of clarity you have when you're younger, you don't really know why you're doing something, but it's really clear that this is what you're supposed to do. And, and he's, he said, if I take that money, I will not be, uh, the architect that I want to be. And he went,

he's gone on and become a fabulously successful entrepreneur. And, you know, I think in a very real sense, he wouldn't have had that success had he had that safety net. And as parents, you know, especially mothers, I'm not bagging on moms, I'm just, they grew them inside of them, so they have a different relationship with their children than fathers.

that lack of a safety net is often very scary. Like they want to keep that net under them their whole life. And I'm constantly trying to explain to my wife like, no, no, they need to fail. I don't know if you saw the beam, this video where the dad's sitting in his chair and the kid comes around and he's going to put the fork in the electric socket.

Christian Brim (32:39.341)
And his mom's next to him going, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that. And the dad says, no, wait a minute, we'll see what happens.

Daryl Dittmer (32:50.508)
I have not seen that, but I just pictured it and I love it. That's great. That's great. You know, I'm, I am, I didn't understand long ago and as we grow and change and go through experiences, we begin to understand and who knows what else I may understand. But the only thing I'm pretty clear on is that the longer I go,

Christian Brim (32:51.419)
You

Daryl Dittmer (33:19.17)
the less I understand. But there's, I was scared of failure when I was younger. I was scared like, man, is this it? You know, am I done? Am I cooked? But then you get up, dust yourself off, keep going, get up, dust yourself off, keep going. And then over time it becomes, all right, well, maybe I can redefine failure and just call it a stepping stone because I'm just stepping.

Christian Brim (33:19.385)
Yes.

Christian Brim (33:46.512)
Yes.

Daryl Dittmer (33:49.496)
from one thing to the next and failures, some of those steps failure has to be some of those steps. And then, and then I got to a point where I was like, you know, maybe we don't have to define anything. Maybe we don't have to say, you know, this was a failure. This was a success or, know, cause none of it really is it's it's failure. It's just like life, right? Death is as much a part of life as living is.

Christian Brim (34:17.659)
Mm-hmm.

Daryl Dittmer (34:19.554)
Failure is as much a part of success as the wins. know, the losses are just as important, if not more important, I think, than the wins.

Christian Brim (34:27.917)
Absolutely. You don't learn anything in the wins. You know, one of the worst things that can happen is you win and you don't know why. Like I, I'm not, I'm not sure that what I did contributed to that success. and, then you start down a path of believing in your own bullshit. as opposed to like in a failure, you, you have the choice to.

Daryl Dittmer (34:32.568)
No.

Christian Brim (34:56.487)
look inwards. A lot of times I didn't like I would blame it on situations or other people. But when I started to say, okay, how did I contribute to this? Like, and, and that shift from a victim mentality of like, and, and I'm not talking about like truly victims, like children that are abused. mean, they don't, they're victims, right? But as an adult,

You know, you contribute in some part to your situation, right? And I'm not, I'm not discounting the fact that people may have hurt you. They may have done you wrong, but there's always something for you as an adult to learn. Like, okay, how did I let that person help hurt me? How did I put myself in that situation to allow that person to hurt me? Those are the things that you need to learn from that.

And instead of just saying, that was all so-and-so's fault, I had nothing to do with it.

Daryl Dittmer (36:03.906)
I'm a huge fan and one of the things I talk about a lot is blame is poison. Blame is me not taking responsibility for me. And the entire journey, I believe, is on me. Whether I'm succeeding, whether I'm failing, whether I'm trying, whether I'm not trying, whether I'm blaming, whether I'm not blaming.

Christian Brim (36:10.117)
Hmm.

Christian Brim (36:16.15)
Mm-hmm.

Christian Brim (36:23.151)
Yes?

Daryl Dittmer (36:33.418)
And, and it's not so much what they did to me because people are going to do stuff to your whole life and, and people are going to hurt you and people are going to, you know, take things from you and this and that, which is, you know, it's just part of living. And then the ultimate difficult one that, you know, they're not trying to hurt you, but people die. People go away and.

Christian Brim (36:40.976)
Right.

Christian Brim (36:57.755)
Mm-hmm.

Daryl Dittmer (37:01.77)
And so what am I doing with those experiences and what am I doing with those interactions and those losses? And I remember a book, Scott Peck, right? The Road Less Traveled. Old school book, but the thing that sticks with me in that book is when he talks about life is about loss. It just is. And I think the question for me is,

Christian Brim (37:13.435)
Mm-hmm. Yes.

Daryl Dittmer (37:30.826)
Am I going to, you know, I'm going to experience the losses no matter what, but am I going to lose myself or am I going to build myself through those things? And I think that's the great question.

Christian Brim (37:37.417)
Hmm.

Christian Brim (37:44.412)
Yes, the book I mentioned previously, What Happy People Know, his name is Baker, believe. Dr. Baker was talking about, his personal story was he and his wife lost their son either at birth or shortly thereafter. And so like he was in a dark place.

And yeah, he didn't have any control over that. you know, so you could say he was a victim.

But what he learned from that is echoing exactly what you said. So in that moment of grief where he's like, I've lost, I've lost everything. Like I've lost this. he started to remember his son and he started to feel love. He started to feel the, the, the, feelings that he had for his son. And he realized in that moment that that can never be taken away from him.

Right? And so what he learned about himself in that is that he can go through the worst of things. Right? Nobody wants to go through those things, but you can go through those worst of things and still learn something about yourself. And, and what he learned from himself in that moment of grief was that he actually is an optimist.

And he defined optimism, not as some Pollyanna thing, but as, you know, that didn't destroy me. And I still have something beautiful from it. Right. and

Christian Brim (39:37.327)
That to me is exactly what you're describing.

Daryl Dittmer (39:44.024)
I think it's so interesting to look back and people would say, and I see it all the time, this question is asked, what would you tell your 15 year old self or 18 year old self knowing what you know now? I wouldn't tell them anything other than buckle up, dude. It's quite a ride. It's an interesting ride. But if I were to change something,

It could change everything. If I were to say, oh, you should have told yourself this when you were 16, who knows what would have happened and where my life would have gone. And I'm, and I, and I wake up, you know, I'm grateful for my life and I'm grateful for, for my wife and my family and who my parents were and all of those things. Then it doesn't mean everything has been, you know, beautiful and rock and roll in the whole time. means sometimes it sucks.

Christian Brim (40:13.221)
Yes.

Daryl Dittmer (40:41.24)
But I'm still grateful for it. And I still wouldn't change anything because as faith has grown in my life, I understand that all things work together for good. They truly do. And I truly believe that no matter what has happened.

Christian Brim (40:41.317)
Yes.

Christian Brim (41:01.019)
Yes, yes, and I do, I think it is an immature faith that expects ease or comfort. that's, it's immature. know, the...

The pain I've often I've often said this about myself, but I've also you know shared it with my my children like You don't learn anything without pain You know, you can learn something intellectually But like the thing that sticks with you the thing that changes you the thing that changes your behavior are the things that hurt and And there's no way around it like I can sit there and tell you all day long. Don't do this

But you have to stick your fork into the electric socket to feel that, to say, I'm not going to do that anymore. Like that, right? mean, one of my earliest memories was I was sitting when my parents were divorced, I was two and my dad moved back in with his parents. And by the grace of God, he gained custody.

Daryl Dittmer (42:04.193)
Yeah.

Christian Brim (42:23.163)
And his two younger brothers were still living at home. And so we had this whole menagerie of people in a two-bedroom house. I remember sitting on the kitchen counter with my grandmother. And for some reason, there was a mousetrap on the kitchen counter. I personally wouldn't put it there, but that's where she put it. And I remember as this three-year-old looking at it,

And she's like, don't touch that. And I started to move towards it and she said, don't touch it. And she was working at the sink. And so I thought she wasn't looking and I'm like, okay, I'm to touch it. I still can't set a mousetrap to this day. Like they scare the shit out of me. Right. but, but, but, but the point was that like, it didn't matter what she said, you know, I trusted her. I really trusted her after that.

Right? Like, okay, if she tells me not to do something, I better listen because she has my best interest in heart. Right? But I had to touch the mousetrap to learn that.

Daryl Dittmer (43:35.52)
Absolutely. It made me think of when I first got involved in the 12 Steps when I was a kid, they had this little pamphlet on the table of literature and things and it was called Acceptance. And inside that was just a little line that I remember and I memorized it on purpose so I could keep referring to it, but it went like...

Pain is the only instrument sharp enough to prune away the excesses of our wayward will and shape it into some reasonable facsimile of God's will for us. And basically translated, pain is the only thing that's going to change us.

Christian Brim (44:08.463)
Hmm

Christian Brim (44:12.955)
Mmm.

Christian Brim (44:20.643)
I love that. Yeah. Only thing sharp enough to prune.

Daryl Dittmer (44:24.334)
That's a good one, yeah. That's a good one. Prune away the excesses of our wayward will, yeah.

Christian Brim (44:30.191)
I love that. I am going to end on that note, Darrell, because it was so profound. How do people buy your book and find out more about you?

Daryl Dittmer (44:43.042)
My books are both on Amazon. My first book is When I Stopped Fighting, The Unexpected Joy of Getting My Head Out of My Ass. And my second book is When You Stopped Fighting, The Road You're On is Your Own Ass Fault. You can purchase both those on Amazon. Just type in when I stopped fighting or my name, which is Daryl Dittmer, D-A-R-Y-L, D-I-T-T-M-E-R.

My website is daryldittmer.com.

Christian Brim (45:14.287)
I love it. We'll have those links in the show notes. Listeners, if you like what you've heard, please share the podcast, rate the podcast, subscribe to the podcast. Until next time, remember you are not alone.

Daryl Dittmer (45:29.358)
Thank you.